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Concoctions
RED PEPPER: not spicy
-Take one (1) glass
-Fill with ice
-Fill halfway with REDRUM (if your local proprietor of boozery does not have this tell them
to get with the program)
-Fill to top with old fashioned pure natural spring Dr. Pepper or the factory produced bottled
variety will do
-ENJOY! I command it!
COUGH DROP: mentholicious
-Buy one (1) big ass can of Arizona Ice Tea (the lemon variety)
-Open said can of tea
-Drink several sips (roughly around a shot or two)
-Add Ice 101, the official peppermint schnapps of all ice loving ninjas
-Carefully swirl to mix....I said CAREFULLY! Look what you did to my carpet....not to mention
the drapes. Thanks a lot.
-Might as well drink the rest now but you'd better appreciate it
LIQUEFIED SATAN: avoid open flame
-Open bottle of 151
-Pour some of the devil into anything you want (I recommend blue pouched drinks)
-Drink until it tastes good
-Check yourself into one of the following:
-Rehab
-An emergency room
-A morgue
13 STAR RUM and COKE: mmm
-Same as normal r + c except;
-No ice
-Use only actual coke that is ice cold
-Use the Captain's Private Stock (store in freezer)
-Prepare to feel how I do all the time (potentially scary for some)
-Seriously....this stuff kicks more than some sorta genetically made 12 legged Tae Kwan Do
master
-If there were a Private Stock perfume any attractive female wearing it would need a literal
act of God to intercede in my drooling on them (for anyone seeking said attention all you really need is a bottle of the stuff
and invite me over)
PINK RUSSIAN: like strawberry Qwik
-Fill pint glass with ice
-Pour in vodka until glass is about half full (or half empty for the pessimists)
-Add Tequila Rose until level of liquid is roughly 3/4 of an inch from top
-Add splash of Razzmatazz
-Top off with milk
-Use your preferred method of mixing
-Check mirror frequenly for signs of hives/redness, monitor for troubles breathing and most
of all....if you suspect that you have an allergy to red dyes (which I now think I might) avoid this mutha at all costs
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Exploits
Decided that with all the crazy shit I do with booze I needed to reflect it in my innermost
thought processes and soul, i.e. my webpage. As usual I had tons of support as evidenced by this IMversation (actually
we thought of the page at the same time), if you can't read it...tough <------
As it turns out what should have been quite possibly the worst summer of my life turned into
perhaps one of the best. Aside from new jobs and countywide appreciation of my ninja arts I got to roxxor the local
area with Stewzilla. Anyway, one night we ended up at Stew's house watching tv on his front porch with more booze
than 26 twelve year olds could handle (this is a scientific measurement by the way). When out of the darkness there arose
such a clatter, we got off our drunk asses to see what's the matter. Damn horse got outta the damn pen damnit.
Anyway, his half-bro came out to wrangle the beast. We helped by inserting our bodies in it's flight path so that it
would be motivated to return to the pen. I swore to Batsy and Stew that if it came towards us I was punching it in the
head and if you were there you'd believe me I woulda done it. Funnier part later needs little description as you can
see it leftwise. Got hungry, Stew had peanut butter, I ate it off of a cd I had recently broken in twain. Nutritious
AND shiny.
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