The True Bible

Mwah ha ha haaaa!

Recently I unearthed the writings of a prophet that date back four thousand years. They told of a great god who would someday come back and reclaim the Earth for his disciples. This prophet predicted the coming of the Christian religion and told of how it would lead millions astray. By warping the teachings of the older, true religion the Christian "God" tried to destroy the true ways to usurp the power that was not his. "God" told his minions to base their works on the old ways so that they would ring a spark of truth in the spirits of man, thus deceiving the world. Here are the deciphered teachings of the true god, the tenets that were meant to be followed but were lost.

These are the teachings that "God" told his puppets to base the ten commandments on

I. Thou shalt eat out a crack whore if lackingeth funds to adequately pay foreth the ho's services

II. Thou shalt not steal (exceptions do exist includingeth not feeling like getting outeth your wallet)

III. Thou shalt not touch thyself exceptingeth when a date cannoteth be found

IV. Thou shouldnst watch porno with thy mother or grandparents

V. Thou shalt not run over puppies with a semi; a Ford F-150 is just as good but cheaper on gaseth

VI. Thou shalt repeatedly smite thine brother's nose until his very lifeblood pours forth, frothing from his nostrils

VII. Thou shalt not sniff your underwear unless the cleanliness of that garment be in question

VIII. Thou shalt not consume twenty three plus twelve bags of Skittles immediately following one twelfth of one gross bottles of Jolt cola

IX. Thous shalt bite goats in the eye

X. Thou shalt not listen to Jeff ifeth you know what is goodeth for you

By now I assume that the truth of the words of the old god have rung clear in your soul. For these are the truths of the natural order inherent in existence that the false idol of the Christian lord tried to deny the world. If you accept these truths and are ready to dedicate your spiritual self to the natural ways then you are ready to behold the image of the old one who is to be the real leader of man. For this true god does not hide his face from those he is supposed to guide. Let this be further proof: if "God" truly meant to lead instead of corrupt humankind he would have no reason to shy away from the gaze of the believers. A true idol, nay the REAL GOD does not show shame or guilt in his appearance..................so scroll on down and BEHOLD!

This is the image of the true god found in ancient texts that predate the false Bible. The name that is mentioned in connection to his image is Batsy. Kneel before him and pay ttribute so that he may grow in strength and wrest power from the false leader of the Christian "God"